The Crappiest Registration Form Ever

I'm not normally one to pile on good causes that do stupid things. Well. Wait. Yes I am. And really, I should stop making fun of cancer-related subjects. But really this registration form is one of the worst designed forms I've ever seen.

I'm not unfamiliar with marketing forms and surveys and registration forms. Part of my Masters work was in Marketing Analysis and I worked for many years as a web designer writing registration forms and surveys. I even wrote an automated survey generator - just type in some questions and answers, click a few buttons and instantly formatted survey or test with full grading and analysis. Anyway, the point is - I've seen a lot of forms and I understand how to make them correctly; or at least not incorrectly.

Some brief information about this form. It's a registration form to help volunteer for the American Cancer Society Run/Walk in Madison, WI the weekend of 4/8. I wanted to volunteer to help out with the run/walk. Not really sure what they'll need me to do, but I'm always happy to help. So, you go their main site and then you click on "volunteer registration" and you are presented with a form.

The first question (statement) is: "I am a cancer survivor" then a yes/no. OK, not a bad way to start - I can understand that they will likely give priority to cancer survivors since they ARE the American Cancer Society. If they have to choose between me (not a cancer survivor) and someone else that is a cancer survivor, they'd rather have the other guy. Fair enough. But I've had family members with cancer, it's not like I am unfamiliar with the issues. But, again, not a bad way to start - I understand it, and it's not required. I click 'no' and move on.

The second question (statement) is: "Select the Race with which you most closely identify." I half expect to see "5K run" and "5K walk" as the options. But no, the options are (in order): African-American/Black; American-Indian/Alaskan Native; Asian; Caucasian/White; Hispanic/Latino; Pacific Islander; Other. Leaving the options themselves alone, WHAT THE FUCK!? Why does this matter? I'm fucking volunteering to help you out. What do YOU care if I'm black, white, or asian? The only conclusion I can come to is that they want to find out who are the minorities so they can make sure they get them where the cameras are and/or that it's some sort of 'affirmative action' question. As if for VOLUNTEERING they are going to give preference to one race over another. Also interesting is the phrasing of the question: "which race do you most closly identify." What do you mean "identify?" Don't you want to know what race I AM? I may not identify with my own race. If I grew up among those of a different race, I may more closely identify with that race. They are my 'culture' and 'family' so to speak despite the fact that I am not, genetically, one of them. Clearly, they are ashamed to be asking the question because they are trying to be delicate about the phrasing. But why ask the question at all? What purpose does the question serve? Luckily it's not required, so I move on.

It doesn't get better with the third question: I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions outlined above. This one's required and there is only one option: "yes." But, if you look at the form carefully you will notice something is missing. Yes, that's right - THERE ARE NO TERMS AND CONDITIONS! Not even a LINK to terms and conditions. What am I clicking 'yes' to? In virtually every other instance I would stop filling out this form right here. There's no way in HELL I'm going to click 'yes' to terms that I are not only presented RIGHT UP FRONT, but terms that I can't even discover from the page that I am agreeing to them on. I've been told that the terms are actually on the "participant's registration" but there is nothing on THIS FORM to indicate that. I reluctantly click "yes" because, really, how bad can the 'terms' actually be? Plus, I'm an attorney, and I know that I can't be held responsible for terms that I've never been given notice of. (let's set aside for the moment the fact that I have submitted a position paper to the American Bar Association that suggests that users have a duty to discover terms that they know exist, even if there is no notice of where exactly the terms are, and failure to discover the terms is not a defense to them)

The next question is: If eligible, I waive my incentive prize. What? What incentive prize? There is nothing here about incentive prizes. Why would I waive it? How do I get it? What is it? Well, there's no way in hell I'm going to waive a prize that may be rightly mine, so I leave this one blank.

Then they get into the name/address information. But they never ask me what I want to volunteer to do! I know that run/walks need a lot of people to a lot of different things. I've participated in many; I've volunteered for them once or twice. It is entirely possible that my EXPERTISE IN RUNNING AN EVENT MIGHT BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT FUCKING RACE I AM! But, alas, they will never know if I am the greatest timer of all time. Because I will be put into the hat and when they draw out names I may be put at a drink station.

Unless of course, they prefer to use a cancer survivor or a minority for that position.